I’ve listened to music my entire life.
Basically it started when I was two, I would sit for hours in front of the TV watching (and never fully understanding) music videos of Amro Diab (an Egyptian singer, for those who aren’t familiar), and I would sing his tune again and again, until I spoke words I couldn’t spell at the time, but my little two year old self adored doing this, and it made my family happy when they heard me, encouraging me to go on, as they normally would.
What has surprised me the most is that songs tend to change meaning as you get older. There are some that stay stuck in a time when you were a dorky little teenager that had a crush on someone she hardly spoke to, to when you become and angsty little 20 something year old, still facing things that make your palms sweat.
I’ve discovered a completely new playlist, one I haven’t changed in years, suddenly describing the way things are playing in my mind. I’ve always thought that I did fully understand a song I’ve played over a hundred times on my Ipod, but you never fully do until you are immersed in that particular emotion, in that particular mindset. Suddenly the chords, lyrics-less make sense, the beats wordless form a perfect pattern. I become the chord and you pick my every tune.
Suddenly I’m scared to press play, I’m scared to listen to something I’ve been hearing for years.
What an art it is, to be able to sing heartache, and how courageous it is to face it instead of hiding it in the back of your mind. To let it swim around you and cover your body with an unsettling but usual feeling. How brave it is to be vulnerable and let go of what pains your mind; to mourn loss through music, through notes that heal you, and also be able to express and hear happiness, celebration and escape through loud voices! Loss and gain all at once, ecstasy and demise, all together in a playlist on an Ipod I’ve had for what seems like decades.
All the emotions of life pass through our headphones sometimes without us realizing it, but when we do, the hit sure is pure.