From Lebanon, with love.

Watch as you arrive to the country, and everything pretty is stripped away from you. From your smile to your patience and your optimism and ambition, it’s all stripped away layer after layer as each day passes.

Disappointment becomes something constant rather than temporary, until you don’t even recognize yourself after a few months or a year. It’s now hard to be happy when you’re not feeling it and exceptionally painful to act excited for something you really don’t give much importance to anymore. Ambition drowned down with worrying news every single night. Evenings spent at home because “it wasn’t so safe to leave the house on that day”, “it wasn’t safe to talk to people on that day”, “it wasn’t safe to breathe that day”.

You can’t change anyone or even attempt to understand the way they think because they have a state of mind so closed and stubborn, it’s like they’ve lived in a different world, what was getting better and progressing throughout the years in the “outside world” , seemed to stand completely still in old Lebanon, or even worse, run back a few paces. Tiredness floats above every home and road, broken or crumbled, remaining the same and getting worse as the years go by.

I haven’t written anything in a long time, quite frankly because there was nothing to write about. There wasn’t a detail worth sharing or a picture worth being taken, so I preferred not to yam about how mentally upsetting it was just living here and getting through the day without lashing out on just about anything/anyone. But I learned a little trick called not telling the truth.

Yeah I was told not to do so and will tell my future kids to never lie , but between just us two… it works to simply not tell the truth about what you think. People don’t want to know about how you hope for a brighter and more successful future for the country and yourself, they don’t want to hear anything about your perspective on perfect equality between the races/sexes. They don’t want to hear about thoughts outside/or in the box, they don’t even want to hear about the box! They don’t acknowledge its existence! Who ever told you there was even a box to begin with? Just tell them how great they look in their Instagram selfies and stop complaining so much! {said with an extremely annoying accent left for you to imagine}.

I was pushed to live in the illusion that everything is okay and will be okay! Just to remain sane and out of the loony-house, everyone is great! Lebanon is the Center of the Universe and we all know it!

Just laugh hysterically to flaunt your perfect pearly-white teeth and enjoy not being able to get out of the house after 9 pm! Enjoy suspected bombings and macho men with little brains and a lot of big words attempting to cover their predictable emptiness, mixed in with overly-sexualised women that come with their own inflatable lips and fake accents.

Enjoy shopping without a single salesperson with a welcoming face, who is actually never prepared to hint you that teal might not be your best color, and dorm building owners that straight up lie to you about how high your electricity bill is this month, and hoover your every penny via your innocence/gullibility. Also, enjoy a wapping 10% out of 25 students with nose jobs by their first year in university.

Take it all in bro. Isn’t this the perfect example of a well-spent youth?

-From Lebanon, with love.


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