Would you like some eggplant with that?

It’s that dreaded time of the month again!

and No it’s not what you think, it’s a whole different kind of messy. It’s exams month. Yes M O N T H. This is how bad it’s gotten. It’s not just a few repetitive days of last minute studying, it’s a WHOLE ENTIRE 31-DAY MONTH where students start smelling a little worse than usual, are easily irritated, and set their statuses to Forever-Busy or Soon-To-Be-Corpse. You feel yourself becoming more tired and disappointed as each day passes. You don’t write or sing a lot anymore, you just have to get through one thing that’s never-ending and is taking too much space in your brain. All of a sudden you realize you haven’t talked to your mom for three days straight and you forgot your best friend’s birthday and couldn’t make it to a party you were really excited for. Days pass without so much as a whisper and you feel like you’re in this horrible limbo of nothing, conversations turn into a less interesting shade of neutral.

Highlight of my day, more appropriately now called rock-bottom moment: I decided to make an avocado salad for lunch today. Basically cutting little slices of avocado into a bowl and pouring a garlic-lemon-oil dressing over them.

With all excitement, I grabbed the green beam of goodness out of the fridge and all utensils needed to prepare the dish.

As I was opening the little sack of garlic I looked in horror and immediately called my grandmother, because you know, grandmothers just know.

“Is there supposed to be something green and fuzzy over the garlic?”

“That’s okay just cut it off!” She says in a shriveled voice.

Alright Teta, alright. No.

I threw out half the bunch to finally find the good part of the garlic, I cut in in tiny pieces and poured some salt over it, and used THE BACK OF MY CUP to “hit it all together”. I don’t even know the culinary/technical term for this nonsense.

I then had to slice the avocados.

*Side note: slicing/cutting avocados is sorcery and should be banned at once. WHY DOESN’T IT PEEL EASILY DAMMIT IT’S BEEN 10 MINUTES! My sighs were heard all the way to the next floor and I just gave up. I gave the knife up for my trusted fingers, that DIDN’T DELIVER. There was green slob everywhere it was disgusting, and I had hoped to God no one would walk in the kitchen because it smelled like an absolute abomination.

Then came probably the worst part of this torturing process which was adding the oil that unfortunately, I didn’t have. That’s when I shy lightbulb flickered over my head, reminding me that my grandmother had made me a “crushed/cooked eggplant” dish with OIL as a key ingredient. What once seemed to be a life saving lightbulb turned out to be a pretty Fat slap in the face. I’ve decided to slowly and steadily tilt the plate downward for all the oil to gather around amongst each other  and make it easier for me to pour them, WITHOUT THE CRUSHED EGGPLANT, into my dressing, because DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!

While experimenting my way through cooking, much like a scientist, I’ve encountered, well, a mishap. A glitch in the experiment. The eggplant literally fell down all over my dressing/my cup/my hands/a little on my clothes and ruined the entire concept of getting NOTHING BUT THE OIL into the dressing.

I’ve cupped whatever I could cup out of my sauce, that now inevitably resembled, well, excuse my french, vomit.

I poured the dressing in anyway, over my (not sliced) but nicely crushed avocados.

It was horrible. I started to wonder if my cooking abilities had really hit rock-bottom,or if there was even any rocks or a bottom to hit anymore. I didn’t know I was that bad until it became that bad. I think I’ve come up with about 23 new types of bacteria that could attack me resulting to my precious way of “cooking” things.

I’m better off studying and snacking on chips anyway.

Until next time,

SLS

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